Anthony's Saga, Part V

It was several days later, under a red sun, that they finally arrived at the mouth of the Beast’s lair. Haado-Joshu was as good as his name, applying his woodland skill to the max. Their trek was long but uneventful, which was good, considering the impending battle they had to face.

The party came to the lair’s entrance, which was marked by an ominous looking stone arch, inscribed with mystic angular words. Anthony went up to the entrance and pounded at the heavy stone gates, shouting, “Princess Pattie! Princess Pattie! Let me in!” But the gates would not budge. Anthony slumped to the ground, angry and despondent.

Kull the Scabby, Miniature Master of the Powerful Axe, walked to the front and inspected the runes. He scratched himself all over a bit (resulting in several flaky scabs falling to the ground), and finally said, “These runes are ancient Dwarven. The Beast’s lair is actually an old Dwarven mine!”

“Can you read the runes?” asked Anthony excitedly.

“Yes. SuXx0rZ |33+ R0xX0rZ! Open Sesame!” cried Kull, and the doors magically swung wide open. Anthony squealed in delight, and waved the party through.

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It was a wide cavern, serpentine and dark. The lair bore obvious traces of its Dwarven ancestry, including weapons, metalworking tools, stonecrafting, cornices, statues of naked ladies, and interestingly enough, a thin layer of scabs on the ground (Kull explained that scratching and not cleaning up was a Dwarven thing, and muttered something about asking King Chester for a dog).

“Did you guys hear that?” said Jinx suddenly, his ears pricking up. Everyone else nodded. “Simi?” asked Anthony obliviously. Everyone drew their weapons, and crept slowly up to the source of their troubles.

Five heads peered through the doorway, to see Princess Pattie lying motionless on a stone slab. Several braziers of fire illuminated her beautiful face, and behind her stalked a dark and shadowy creature. And in the fashion of all villains, the Beast enjoyed talking to himself.

“Finally! The ritual is almost complete! The resurrection of my beloved Audreyvette is at hand!” cried the dark one, raising his hands into the air for dramatic effect.

“Not if we can help it!” cried Anthony, jumping out from behind without warning.

“Fools!” cried the black mage, emotively. “I will not be denied!” And with that, he melted away, only to be replaced by the huge shadowy dragon that plagued Geegee. With its wings outstretched, the dragon easily filled the whole cavern space.

The Ball Brothers rushed forward, each attempting their own brand of expertise on the Beast. Enddy the mage threw Twa Fireballs at the monster, singeing its hide, while Kull the Scabby hacked at its toes with his battleaxe. Haado-Joshu ran circles around the Beast, trying to make it dizzy. Anthony waved his greatsword clumsily around, trying not to get stomped by the Beast’s feet. Jinx quietly went to the altar and transported the Princess to a safe place.

“Begone, gnats!” exclaimed the Beast emotionally, buffeting his wings. Everyone flew back against the stone walls, injured and their spirits broken. It looked like an impossible fight…

As Anthony fell backwards, his iron ball fell out of his pockets. Out of instinct, he grabbed it. The orb flashed a brilliant blaze of blue, as time started to slow… and come to a complete halt. Anthony looked around in surprise, finding himself the only one able to move.

“Hello!”

Anthony jumped in surprise, turning around to see a small melon-shaped guy in Arabian-looking garb floating in mid-air. “Uh… You are?”

“I am the genie Z’hng-H’aan from the Donggua Province of Geenieland. You have released me from my prison, and I am in your debt. How may I be of service?”

“So I get three wishes?” asked Anthony.

“No, you get as many wishes as you want.”

“But… In the stories the genies always give only three wishes. Why you give so many? On sale ah?”

“Erm no… I’m just being nice…”

“Eh no lah. Don’t try to bluff me. I only got three wishes right? More like a hero in the stories if only got three wishes what.”

“No no… I’m giving you lots of wishes…”

“I wish I only had three wishes lor.”

“Uh. Hmm. Okay. You now only have three wishes, and you just used one. What’s your next wish?”

“Erm… I wish time would start again? All this is damn creepy lah.”

And then suddenly everyone started moving. The Beast peered down at Anthony and his genie, and roared.

“Oh shit oh shit! One more wish left! I wish… I wish… I wish the Beast weren’t so emo!”

Suddenly the dragon stopped roaring, and returned to its humanoid form. The dark wizard sat down on the floor, and started to sigh. “Sigh… My Audreyvette… I will never see you again…”

The dark spell broken, Princess Pattie started to stir in Jinx’s arms. As she opened her eyes, she gazed upon Jinx’s visage, and cried out, “My hero!” and gave him a big kiss.

Anthony felt like his heart was plunging from Heaven into a deep deep abyss.

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King Chester sat gloomily on his throne, wondering about the well-being of his daughter and the success of the adventurers that had promised to bring her back. He liked the look of the posh-looking knight, and hoped he fared well too. Suddenly his revelry was broken by a cry.

“Father!”

King Chester looked up, and his heart burst with joy as he saw his only daughter leap up into his arms. He shouted, “Sue! Sue! Come here now! Our daughter’s back!” Queen Sue emerged, and the three embraced in a group hug.

King Chester looked up from the family reunion to see the Balls standing in front of him. Happily he said, “You have succeeded!”

That night, there was great feasting and celebrations, and King Chester awarded the brave warriors for their efforts. Jinx became Prince Consort, and sat beside Princess Pattie at the dining table. Kull got a little dog called Hugo, who happily vacuumed his floor of scabs everyday. Enddy received book of his choice from the royal library, and he picked the book called “A Guide to Cedars”, all the while thinking about the beautiful lady behind the tree. Haado-Joshu got a skin-tight black leather outfit, and a leather cap.

“And as for you Anthony,” said King Chester, “I award you the title of Geeland’s Champion Defender, and wealth and estates worth one million dollars!”

“Wah! GCD and $1 million before I’m thirty! It’s a dream come true!”

Everyone was happy and satisfied, and so the adventures of Anthony and his friends come to an end…

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Elsewhere, a knight on a white horse rode through a dark swamp. He was followed by two others. Turning and twisting their way through the vines and thorns and dampness, one of them finally said, “Hey guys… I think we’re lost.”

“Yeah,” another replied.

“Shit,” said the posh-looking one. “Lost. Balls.”

- THE END -