Anthony's Saga, Part I

My mind truly is the Devil's workshop:

Anthony’s Saga

The sun arose over the pale clouds, casting its golden rays over the kingdom of Geeland. Cockerels crowed their morning alarms, and the halcyon people of this rich kingdom awoke to begin their daily chores. All seemed well in Geeland.

In a faraway corner of Geeland, in the small village of Rose Sigh, lived a young man called Anthony. Anthony was slightly tall and had small eyes and a flat-top, and a permanent look which people describe as “the look of someone dropped too many times when he was a baby”. Nonetheless, Anthony was well-liked in the community of Rose Sigh.

Anthony’s father ran a small business, specializing in producing what the villagers affectionately called “Happy Sheets”. In fact, their Happy Sheets were so popular, that the village was known in the area as the “Village of Happy Sheets”. Anthony helped his father farm and pack the silk-like threads spat from little worms, and occasionally followed his father out to the cities to sell them. One day, Anthony’s father decided that his son had grown up enough to be independent, and told Anthony, “Eh, today I Atten C. You go take the sheets to the city to sell.”

Bidding his village a tearful goodbye, Anthony saddled his donkey with his goods and traveled off to the capital city of Geeland – Geegee.

“Anthony wait up!” came a cry from behind. Anthony turned, and was delighted to see his old friend, Jinx. The two good friends clasped hands, and slowly walked off towards the direction of Geegee.

“Anthony, why you pangseh me again? Everytime like that,” chided Jinx.

“Huh? Where got?” replied Anthony with a sheepish look on his face, shaking his square-top vigorously from side to side. “Jinx, why are you here anyways?”

“I decided to go off to see the world!” replied Jinx, his eyes brimming with anticipation. “Also, I got sick of seeing so much food at home all the time. Staying at home anymore, confirm grow fat.” Anthony nodded in agreement. The two friends chatted and joked on the way, both glad of each other’s company, as they made an uneventful way to the city of Geegee.

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It was Anthony and Jinx’s third day in Geegee, and Anthony had completed his sale of his Happy Sheets. His pouch jiggling heavily with gold coins, he and Jinx were ready to head home. Suddenly, the streets exploded with screams and shouts, and many fingers pointed to the skies. The two friends quickly turned their heads to look, only to be buffeted by the wings of a huge black dragon! The marketplace was a scene of bedlam, as everyone scuttled around to take cover.

The city’s guards erupted from their garrisons, wielding pikes and swords and bows. The archers arced their backs, their sights aimed at the huge beast’s heart. “No! Don’t shoot!” cried a beautiful voice. Captivated by the siren-like quality of that exquisite sound, Anthony could not help but turn his head. Caught in the clawed grip of the huge dragon, was the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen!

The dragon roared in glee, and with a flap of its wings, flew off towards the direction of the mountains…

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A few days later, Anthony and Jinx were still in Geegee. The city had closed the gates to prevent further attacks, and only now did the security become more lax. Anthony and Jinx were just about to go, when suddenly the town crier shouted,

“By decree of the King of Geeland, whosoever manages to slay the Beast and rescue the princess, shall have the princess’s hand in marriage!”

Anthony was suddenly paralysed by the news. That beauty was… the princess! His heart started to throb with love, and a fatal stirring began in his loins. Anthony was rather well-known by the wenches of Barley Bar back in Rose Sigh; one wench once described Anthony was “very very hard” and “whole night very vigorous; cannot go down!”. However, Anthony’s father had discovered his son's exploits, and made him swear never to return to Barley Bar.

“We’re not going home anymore,” said Anthony. “I think we should go save the princess.”

Jinx could only stare at his friend in shock.

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The court of the king of Geeland was opulent, and Anthony and Jinx were awestruck when they entered. As they stood in the audience chamber, Jinx nudged Anthony, “Eh… What are we doing here? We stand no chance rescuing the princess.”

“Shh… Never say never. Besides, it’s the chivalrous thing to do,” replied Anthony, as he fiddled with his shirt collar. Both friends had dressed in their best clothes to see the king, and Anthony even had a little collar pin on his left collar. He was about to continue persuading his friend when suddenly the majordomo struck his staff against the floor, and cried,

“All at attention, for the arrival of the Lord of Geeland, the Great O-Jeez himself, King Chester!”

A tall and skinny man entered the chamber, and sat his bony arse on his huge golden throne. He was clean-shaven, and worry lines furrowed his otherwise smooth forehead. Many people thought the king looked a bit (to use the local dialect) gu niang, but they never dared say it to his face. King Chester opened his mouth, and addressed the two friends in a sibilant soprano:

“So, you two are the ones who volunteered to save Princess Pattie? Hmm you don’t look like much to me.”

“Your Majesty,” said Anthony, “My name is Anthony Ben Chang. This is friend Jinx. We are confident that we can save the princess!”

Anthony ignored the dagger looks shot by Jinx. King Chester’s eyebrows went up in admiration when he heard Anthony’s words. He thought to himself, “Wah! This guy is an ABC!” King Chester had an unnatural fondness for blondes and ABCs, and spoke in a faux angmoh accent himself.

“Are you so confident?” asked the king.

“Yes sir!”

“All right then. Take your pick of the equipment from the armoury, and bring my daughter back alive!”

Dragging a reluctant Jinx, Anthony sat off towards the direction of the Beast’s lair…